calling a girl CS... and this time it doesnt stand for counter-strike

XXX: Indians visit Prague

My method of communication usually when I don't know the language is to do stupid things.
You can thumb war with Czech girls. Slovakian girls do not know thumb war I've found.

Vinay: I woke up feeling like Bruce Wayne when Alfred told him that the bat cave was destroyed. They destroyed everything.

Shiva: Sick of your cough shit.
Vinay: I have to get it out.
Shiva: That’s What She Said.

So the first night in our hostel we hang out with people there, Hostel One. Most of the people are generally chill and its like a big Frat house environment.
We got people from all over representing.
Kev -
Tyler
Kevin – Cali boy
Adam – Cali boy
Rosie – Sacramento, just graduated
Mike – going to Wash U STL Med
Nate – Uchicago, love this kid he is so awesome
Will Park – awesome Asian, down to drink, we take down lots of Jaeger
Plus Liverpool girl and guys
Milo
Wisconsin girls, brenna, tiff, collette


Before we head out, we end up taking shots of Jaeger as a group and Will and I are going dose for dose past our peaks. We think the Jaeger belongs to the Aussie guy who passed out around 8pm on the patio concrete. Don't drink this much during the day when you don't have the stamina.

We all get about 4-5 half liter beers in and head over to the Beer Factory. Mind you the group from Liverpool leaves half an hour before us, and we walk there.
The Beer Factory is a place with tables set up with taps and meters telling you how much you drank. Not to mention it also becomes a challenge between tables because there are places and totals projected on the wall as well.

Americans sit down and we start drinking. Zero to Hero in under 45 minutes. We down 20Liters and absolutely demolish the Liverpool group and any other table in the joint. Prague has a lot of guys. We are a group of like 13 guys and 2 girls. Rosie is the California girl staying in our room and there's one Liverpool girl too. I haven't talked to her until now. I'm sitting in between the tables and make her tell me a funny story as the gate password. I am shitty drunk and she is understandable compared to the other Liverpool guys so I talk to her for a bit. We head out from the bar to the club we are going to for the night, which I will spend 4 glorious nights in out of our 4 total nights in Prague: Le Chateau Rouge.

Anywhoo, on the walk over, the Biggest Liverpool Guy I've Ever Seen comes and takes me aside and walks me up in front of the rest of the group. He is about 6'3'' and 250+ pounds. He basically tells me that that girls boyfriend does not like people touching her. Oh hey, I'm just a friendly guy. Talk to him for a bit and get chummy with him so I don't get my ass kicked.

I forget this warning as soon as we enter the club of course.

Everyone is schwasted, there aren't many people here so we are just dancing around being jackasses in our own regard. I end up dancing with Liverpool girl, spinning her around a bit and having a good time. This happens a few times in the night and Biggest Liverpool Guy I've Ever Seen tries to dance with her to protect her I suppose but this doesn't always work. Liverpool mute it seems boyfriend comes in and elbows me in the stomach slightly to get me out of there. I think it would have been easier to just talk to me. Wtf dude, you have issues. Whatever I'll go have my fun. Try to talk to Czech girls but this language barrier only proves for a game of thumb war. End up talking to other people from HostelOne that came with Rod, the guy who manages the hostel. I got kind of pissed off at him tonight, but generally he proved to be a decent guy.

Say our good byes to the Cali guys because it's their last night. Thanks for being good drinking buddies. Good night. Who's the only one that snores in our like 10 bed room pentouse hostel? Yeah, Vinay again.

Our Hostel One room is on the top floor. So its like a penthouse with kinda sunroofs and a little tree house with two beds up top which there is ladder access to get to. We called it the Love Nest.

Out of the 6 girls in all of the Hostel, we had about 5 of them. In the room the first couple days was of course the me, naren and vinay. We had Rosie who was from Sacramento and traveling alone, and Chicago, chill guy that hung out with us a good amount and random guy that we never met by Vinay's bed. We also had three girls and Milo. Milo came out with us and is down to party and do stupid shit, but the girls, Tiff, Brenna and Collette are sweethearts. They are the type to wake up early and do sightseeing stuff and sleep early, but they are full of cute smiles and very nice. They actually made my day one day I was feeling crappy back in Amsterdam, one of them sent me a facebook message saying we were just thinking about you and how great we all think you were. Def made my day a little brighter, miss you guys.

Next morning, or afternoon rather we get up and get ready for one of these New Europe free walking tours. We all get together as a big group and head over. On the way I meet Jeff, Liz, Robin, and Nick, kids who went to Maryland, and know Chris Perks! Jeff is going to Medical College of Georgia too, woot.

We get to the big square and see Tiff and Brenna, stop stalking us you guys! Most of the other HostelOne group is with another tour guide and we are with a bigger group. I make the executive decision to stay with our tour group because the tour guide has already given me shit for saying I'm from DC and he seems hilarious. All's well, get to hang out with my new Maryland friends and we'll see the other HostelOne people later.

This proves to be a key choice for this day. Our tour guide Isaac is quite the entertainer, with shaggy beard, long hair, and tour guide majestic announcer voice that makes anyone in the kilometer vicinity look at us (yes kilometer, i'm in Europe fools). It's generally a swell time, I don't remember much of the history but the jokes were on point. We toured around the old town, the new town, and my favorite, the jew town. Isaac is constantly making fun of people and blurting out Jew jokes so I am thoroughly entertained. We see this clock tower that has little statues moving at the hour. So naturally as a tourist attraction, there's hundreds of people with cameras out, ready to video and photograph this monumental clock where the little statues on the clock move ever so slightly and its hilarious watching people's faces when they realized they waited for this … epic nothing.

We see some buildings and churches and restaurant where they are eating in XXX. We see a mummified hand in the church which is tiny and pretty cool. While we are outside this church, an old guy tells us to “ A little ehhhhh “ (ask me to do this in person). Basically he wants us to quiet down.

Isaac: We have a larger group though (still in majestic announcer voice)
Old guy: A little ehhhhh.
Isaac: What? Where are you guys from?
Old guy: Belgium
Isaac: (Announcer voice) You guys know what Belgium is known for? Yes, chocolate and pedophilia. And they only invented chocolate to get to the kids.

We burst out laughing and this 60+ year old Belgium tour group is confused out of their minds. Owned. Highlight of my day. Isaac takes us around everywhere and tells us awesome stories and he is a great character of wit and theater.

We get back to our hostel and I tell Nate and Rosie and everyone that I really want to go on the New Europe pub crawl. They agree. Excellent.

No time to shave, ever it seems this trip. Quick shower and food and then we're out. Liverpool group does not come out with us tonight even though I see Liverpool girl and shes still friendly with me and Rosie. Surprise Surprise.

Isaac is running the pub crawl, sweet! First bar is unlimited beer and shots of vodka with fanta and absinthe for an hour. Basically open bar. Shiva obliges. After a few shots, start talking to Naren and... Who do I see? Pink Poncho Twins! Go down to their table and plop down right next to them. They remember me and try to see if they have their pink ponchos on them. No? Sadface. I tell the 2 british pink poncho girls and the other 3 guys at the table we are playing drinking games because I need to drink faster. We start out with Never Have I Ever and I start drinking heavily. Shots of absinthe and vodka/fanta bombard us and few toasts and few rounds here we go. One of the guys does “Never Have I Ever Worn a Penguin Shirt”, awesome, I am wearing the orange one Alain got me, and he has a penguin shirt too at home he said. I will chug the rest of my beer for that.

This girl Lexi comes over and starts talking to me: “I hear you are a comedian”. “I'm sorry hun, I think you got that confused with Rapist”. She loves Indian food apparently and Russel Peters. Shes a Canadian. From ToronTo. >>No you said it wrong, I'm from TORONO, jeez. The Pink Poncho twins, are surprisingly cute and have nice teeth, and especially for British people. Their names are Hannah and Sarah, and well this is probably one of the last times I call Sarah, well Sarah. For some reason I start yelling “CUNT SMEGMA” into her ear and she is just giggling. Wow, I'm going to do this more often. Random points in the night I am having a blast just yelling “CUNT SMEGMA” at her.

Before we leave the first bar, the cute French girl that was in our tour group goes and collects all the floater beer and the cups that no one has touched full of beer. We spend the next couple minutes going chug for chug and finishing the rest of the beer in the place. She is like the girl version of Vinay, downing floaters like it's nobody's business. I hate how I'm drinking floaters, definitely not doing this later on. She is super cute and with boyfriend in tow. She keeps telling me how to say her name, but I will never get it right.

I walk with Sandraaap and am talking with her and Naren pulls his best wingmanning ever this trip. I hang back with the girl and am having fun with her while Naren is a good 30 yards ahead, the guy loving him and totally into whatever they are talking about. Good job Naren.

These nights in Prague melt together because we are in the same clubs/bars over and over (M1 and Le Chetau Rouge) and I've consumed more beer in 3 days than I have in 3 weeks of DC. Also I am blackout so I do not remember a good amount of these nights.

We are at M1 which is a slightly smaller club but pretty nice and modern looking. I end up dancing with Lexi for a bit and grab the pink poncho twins later on from a creeper. I go to pee and French girl “Sandraaaap”is coming out of the guys bathroom, wow this girl does not give a shit at all, pretty attractive. At some point in the next hour the Aussie guy from our hostel tells us that there is a bottle of wine at the end of the club and to go drink it.

I tell Jeff we are drinking and take him over and we start taking swigs of the bottle with Naren.

Narens quote of the night as he is talking to “some short guy” as he explains it.
… wait...”Who ARE you?”.
>> The Manager.

Apparently the bottle of wine was stolen and they think we did it and they want us to pay for it. Smooth Aussie guy. Though the Aussie guys pass out at 8pm drinking and steal bottles, they are pretty cool guys; they are helicopter mechanics which is pretty badass. They think its Jeff and Naren. Again, Naren gets into more trouble than I am this trip, what is going on in the world. Jeff and Naren are arguing with the Manager and bartender because they want them to pay for the bottle. Jeff is like check the cameras, no way I reached over the bar and grabbed that bottle.

The pub crawl is leaving and CUNT SMEGMA Sarah grabs me, pulls me out of the bar and is says let's go. I'm outside with her and see Naren and Jeff still in a debacle inside the bar. Give Sarah a hug and kiss and say I'll see her at the next bar. Go in and tell Jeff and Naren we are leaving NOW. Get them outside the bar and Jeff can't go back in so I get his girlfriend Liz and the other two Maryland kids, Robin and Nick out of the bar. Liz is getting pissed off a bit. We go into semi-serious conversations which Shiva doesn't really like.

Liz: See even you care more, he didn't even bring me outside.
>> Listen hun, I got you because Jeff told me to. He cares, let's go have fun.
Liz is like Jeff always gets into this kind of trouble.
>> HEY. don't blame him. It's my fault I brought him over to drink. It's on me.

Obviously I love Liz and all, but girls don't work with logic, so her and Jeff get into a little tiffle on the street. Me and Naren are up ahead waiting, and a police van comes by and tries to question Jeff and take his ID. They don't know English at all really though, and well, we don't know Czech. We try to tell them that we will go talk to the bouncer of the next bar to act as a translator. I make sure Jeff gets his ID back and we run into the next bar and luckily the van drives away after a few seconds.

I think this is the night at Le Chetau Rouge, like any other night at the end of the night I lose EVERYBODY.

Next morning we wake up and Daniel, one of the Aussie guys from last night poofs up out of the love nest, dirty stache and all. Did anyone know he was here? Sillyness. A “You had to be there” experience.