I’ll Play Brown If It Gots Some Vanilla In It- Night of Three Quarters of Indians

june 6th i think this was
Anuj, Surmeet, and I finally get to the all you can eat tapas after napping and relaxing while the grandpa group goes and does touristy things. This tapas place ends up being amazing and so worth it. The waiter would ask us if we want more? Of course.

More?
Si.

Mas?
Si.

Keep on getting plates of different tapas, get to try almost 20 different things. Amazing mushrooms and papas fritas and this dough thing with meat inside. They even make us a whole plate of Paella. The shrimp are kinda scary with the legs and heads still on, but we do some trauma surgery and get the meat out. I describe the clams as boogers to the other guys who haven't had clams before.
Actually the best clams I've had are at Anthony's when his roommate brought out some clams from Boston that are stuffed with breaded chorizo and spices. Didn't take too fishy and was quite delicious. This all-you-can eat tapas was definitely worth the 16 euro.

See a familiar face walking by down on the street, and yell “HERMIT”. Haha, this is random, Hermit is this guy I’ve played racquetball with back at GW. Get out of tapas, the rest of the guys go and see some water fountain show.

Quote of the night when there are 4 guys in the bathroom: “Suck it in, suck it in, suck it in!”


James Bond solo night again. Go back to the hostel and shower, meet some Aussie girls on the walk up the stairs. Head over to the travel bar for the pub crawl and whaddya know; the Aussie girls are here. So I step into the bar and open up one of the Aussie girls with “I feel like I’ve seen you before in another life”. Aussie Girl: “Try 5 minutes ago.” Shiva: “Were you a beetle? You reincarnated into something a tad less scaly.” Talk to her for a bit and there are a couple Aussie guys around too.

Meet one guy Nate, Nate Dog, who is generally an awesome guy. His friend is Rowan, Ro-Dog. And I am Shiv-Dog. 5 out of 6 of the Aussie Girls are super super cute. The 6th is a bit larger with curly hair and does not have a smile on her face all the time like the other girls. Jealousy: It lurks in the corner  reminds me of that poster. Nate Dog has to work to befriend this girl whereas I go through the shit tests and dirty looks without a care in the world. Even though there is a large group, each girl has a very unique look and personality. There’s the redhead who’s all smiles and seemingly responsible. Rani the half Indian girl is just a super cutie with huge eyes and brunette hair. Gemma, the birthday girl is the crazy, skinny, dirty blonde drunk. One blonde girl has frizzy big hair and she has a slight punk look to her which is awesome. Another blonde has slightly curly hair and is super friendly.

Walk over to the next bar with our group. Nate Dog is talking about how he’s eaten a fossilized snake that’s been in a tequila bottle, and liquor from Thailand that had a goats head in it. You sir are a real man. Walk down with the 6 Aussie Girls and one of the different pub crawl manager guys that I’ve talked to is standing on the street with two people, smile at him because he told us his pub crawl was better. He’s standing there amongst all two sober people, humbled and definitely jealous. Get into the first bar and get a drink ticket, wasn’t really going to drink tonight, but o well, it’s free since I am just “hanging out” with the pub crawl and it’ll be fine later because the pub crawl guy Al taking us around is pretty chummy with me. Have an orgasmo shot with the Aussie girls and guys. Nate Dog buys three beers for himself, Shiv-Dog, and RoDog. Wow, I’ve bought I think a round of beers for Anuj’s birthday this trip; that might be it.

Gemma’s 22nd birthday is tonight so I take their picture and accidentally cut half of the readhead’s hair off. She has really dark red hair; it’s close to the dark brown hairs in my beard, nice hair, is it real? Though I don’t like the half I cut off obviously. She says of course it is real and not dyed. I tell her to get some blue hair on the other half and I’ll like that side too. End up talking to Rani, who is extremely cute and also sports the title Aussie girl with a half British and half Indian background, which worked out very well: She doesn’t have fucked up teeth, and from what I see, she isn’t bombarded with facial hair and a mustache. This bar is pretty sweet because they are doing flaming shots left and right and just washing the bar up and down with liquor and setting it ablaze. The bartenders are lighting shots aflame and roasting marshmallows on them.


There is a large commotion and I am not in the center of it, and I wonder why. I look over to a side of the bar and am mesmerized. There is a large chode dildo that is wider than a fist and about a foot long. There is a Spanish girl, god bless her (it must be really important if I use god bless, because I hate using that term), licking whipped cream off the dildo and giving it a real work around. She is very thorough with her task, licking and tea bagging the balls of the dildo as well. The bartender starts stroking the dildo and starts shooting streams of seemingly liquor all over the girls face and chest. We all give the trooper a round of applause as she goes to the bathroom to clean up.
I mosey back to the Aussie girls and comment that there’s a list of like 100 shots on the wall, but that girl ordered off the menu. Clearly there is no shot called “Money Shot” listed on the wall. Laughter ensues. English language, even though I’m horribly bad at it, is my crutch to communicate. Wish I could pick up girls by simply scratching them a la Kamal Patel.

Neesha says that's the Monica Lewinsky shot and she took it to the face. Trooper.

Next bar I meet two girls who are bored of just sitting around at small bars. They love to dance, just LOVE TO DANCE. They were at razzmatazz last night too apparently. Did you see the shirtless guy? No? Sorry for you then. One is UVA because she goes to UVA, and the other one says she is from Philly but is really like an hour and a half away, Philly Poser. Philly Poser is pre-med so I give her my GW Med bracelet so she can be a med student for the night.

Brazilian girls are at the bar and they are apparently going to Ibiza Tuesday. Sorry guys, missing out on Tiesto! They hate me so much right now, and I love it.

British guy Hunter at the next bar tells me to go to Space and Pacha in addition to our Tiesto night at Privilege. He says there’s also café mambo in San Antonio that people go to watch the sunset and pregame and when the sun sets everyone claps. Pretty sweet, reminds me of sunset across the ocean on our cruise a few years ago. Amazing sight.

All the pub crawl groups join up and it’s about 150 people and we get into the club which is the same marina one but it’s packed with about another 600 people.

We are with the Aussie girls; I love them because they are such good friends. Birthday girl is kissing her friends are trying to get everyone in but max they can get in is four girls. Love friendly people. There are another couple guys that latched onto our group, older bald Aussie guy, Hungarian guy, and Mexican? guy. The Aussie girls go over elsewhere on the dance floor to dance and we are at the bar still. Around 3am RoDog is tired and talks out some logistics. He thinks the Aussie girls are a coop and won’t budge. Nate Dog is optimistic and just tells him to wait. I ask them if Nate Dogs drink is half empty or half full. >> It's only like a quarter full. Shiva: IT DOESNT MATTER IT HAS BOOZE IN IT.
Optimism. I say we'll catch up later I'm going to go play around.

Outside on the patio:
Overheard in Barca: Probably the stupidest conversation I’ve had this trip, inclusive of the slurring, muttering nonsense.

Shiva: What are some good comedy clubs in London?
French Girl Olivia: I was an Au Pair. How do you like London? I loooove English people!
….
Olivia: I don’t like these kinds of places because you never meet anyone interesting. I'm glad I met you though. I love English people! When are you going back to London?
Shiva: uhh.. I’m going there around August-ish.
….
Olivia: English people are really nice, I’m glad to have found one in Barcelona!
>>>more nonsense I don’t remember
Shiva: I’m going to go now…….

Try to dance with Spanish girls, most will let me dance with them at this point, but won’t let me dance close. gr.

Punjabi MC comes on and yes Shiva the only Indian guy in all of the club does some fake Bhangra and gets all the Spanish girls to dance like an Indian this time. Because well, everyone knows I am the authority on Indian dancing. This would actually have been even sweeter if the Bhangra boys were here.

There are groups of bachelorette/birthday looking parties of girls and hang out with some of them. Don’t know Spanish well still so this is interesting. A bachelorette party group I end up trying to talk to but the girl I am talking to doesn’t know English well and I try to dance with her and she looks at her friends and calls me Loco. Call her out on it, Yo comprendo loco, yo conozco vocabulario. Owned. her face is priceless and she is pretty embarrassed. We dance for a bit and I can’t entertain all 8 girls and get bored so I go to play around a bit.

Run into the German guys from the bar and talk to them for a bit, and meet some Dutch people. Love Dutch people.


So besides the groups of bachelorette and birthday parties, there’s a group of girls in flamenco dresses as well in this club deemed Sunset. There’s a really cute one by the bar. White British girl who can dance flamenco, interesting. The whole troupe of them are British. I can’t seem to get away from British people this trip. London is going to be funn. Apparently they were dancing for 10 hours for a wedding. I tell her to put her show on for me since she’s still dressed up. She is apparently tired and will only do it for weddings. I say we are getting married then so she can dance. I’m marrying you only so you can dance though; I REALLY don’t want to marry you. This rocks her reality and she is appalled and insulted. That’s okay; I usually try to make it so people think Americans are rude, ignorant and foolish. So this girl looks white, talks with a British accent, and now tells me she’s a quarter Indian. No way, I don’t see facial hair, this can’t be true. I ask her friends and one of them doesn’t know but the other girl says it’s true. You guys are just helping her out. I go back to talking to the quarter Indian and one of the friends looks at her and just gives a disapproving nod to the BriQI – British Quarter Indian.

Hindsight comment: Thanks friend, I wonder if you’d still give that look if you knew later in the night I would give your friend a piggy back ride for 20 minutes.

BriQI swears it’s true and asks me why I she would lie about being Indian. I say cockily “Because you want to have an arranged marriage to me, don’t you”. I say something else a bit too inappropriate or a little mis-calibrated and BriQI says “I’m actually engaged.” Ignoring things I don’t like has been working pretty well and BriQI might have just said that similar reasons why girls say “I have a boyfriend” so I keep plowing along. One of the other flamenco girls is dancing around so I pull BriQI in for a spin and start her dancing and dance with her and her friend. BriQI won’t get close and flutters around so I start dancing with the friend.

I look around and BriQI is gone so I go to leave and look for Aussies. I run into BriQI further on the dance floor and tell her to stop stalking me; she has to talk to my parents to arrange the marriage. I get her to start dancing with me. What in the world? Shiva is dancing somewhat sober with an Indian girl??? Well I guess it doesn’t technically count since there’s no way you can tell she has a hint of brown in her. We end up getting close finally and before I do anything stupid, I kiss BriQI, this lasts all of half of a second where she exclaims “I can’t do this” and turns around and runs away.

I’m used to girls laughing themselves out of the room, damnit. Go around look for the Aussies, No Aussies. Sadface. Don’t remember much but leave after half an hour or so, it’s getting to be pretty late and I have to wake up early tomorrow.

Run into British Flamenco girls and they are looking for a cab because they can’t walk. One of the girls feet are bleeding and a little cut have left the rest of the foot red and looking quite bad. I give her some doctorly advice to clean it and keep it elevated when she gets home. I offer her a piggy back ride and we walk up to the main street and look for cabs. Of course every single cab is taken. In Barcelona there are yellow lights for cabs with people in it, and green lights for empty cab. We had about 50 yellow light cabs come by and another 10 green light cabs that were stolen or turned yellow right in front of our eyes. Piggy back ride is getting taxing and I’m getting tired but I need to burn off some food anyways. BriQI is with us but a little reserved so I’m not pushing it. I always kid around even when it’s too soon so with my piggy backee Meghan I ask her if she thinks I’m rude.

Meghan: No of course not.
Shiva: Well next time tell your Quarter Indian friend. She said I was rude.
Meghan: Who’s my Quarter Indian friend?
BriQI: I am!

Haha, apparently Meghan didn’t know either that Beth was a quarter Indian. I can be extra nice and help flag down a taxi! I go to fake put my hand up and Meghan: you’re going to drop me! Play around a bit more and the girls finally get a taxi and head home.

Quote of the night:
Walking quickly back home in an alley past the prostitutes after dropping the UVA girl off at her hostel, I see a girl on her back with a guy by her. Walk over to check to see if everything is okay. Guy seems to be her friend, I tell him to keep her on her side not passed out on her back. He pulls the girl up to a sitting position. Her eyes are closed but apparently she can hear us.

Drunk Passed Out British Girl: “Why’s an American telling me what to do?” (in a British accent)
Inner Monologue: Love you British people.
Shiva: Because this American’s a medical student. (reply in a British accent)
….
Unlucky Taking Care of Girl, Guy: uh….She’s actually a medical student too
Shiva: Well she shouldn’t be passed out in a random street at 530am ya think? Buenos Noches.

And with that, a Good Night boys and girls, hope you are enjoying the read.